Superstes : survivor of another's death.'s Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in
Superstes : survivor of another's death.'s LiveJournal:
|Monday, December 7th, 2009|
One of the things that the death of a partner in the SCA can bring up
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THE STUFF. As we move on in time and space we have to make choices, and damm if each one wasnt hard.
I meen some of it was easy I can keep books, feast gear, games,
But I was left with armoring tools, garb, extra camping gear, tools for things I dont do. I gave some away to friends, but I didnt want to overwhelm anyone, nor make it seem like I was picking favorits.
One of the other things was years ago when I couldnt make a pennsic and lent garb to a friend who camped with the household some said, I saw your dress at pennsic. The idea of seeing his garb walking around without him was overwhelming. (I ended up giving a lot of it to people who play in distant groups to avoid that)
I gave some of his better armor as tourny prizes for a tourny they heald in his name, and since he died as barons champion I gave his sword for part of the regalia of the barony he helped found.
I still have too much stuff even having moved. And since I moved in with someone facing the same problem we are kinda stuck.
The bigest deal now are the scrolls, While Wulf had few, Anne has many, and as much as I admired her I dont want all her scolls all over a few shure but with the limited wall space we have (bookcases everywhere)
|Wednesday, February 21st, 2007|
I guess it's my turn. I am Sir Sirhan al Cyani ibn Atai Akarel Diablu, Black Knight of the East, Baron of the Eastern Court, residing in the Crown Province of Ostgardr (NYC). Usually it's just PapaDio or Hey, Fatboy!. I joined the SCA in August of 1978 and authorized as a fighter just after my 17th birthday in the now legendary Shire of Ashental (SUNY at Geneseo, Geneseo, NY). I was married to Mistress Baronin Anna Herold von Ossenheim for 20 years on August 16 past. I met her at Pennsic 13, we started dating at Pennsic 14, and got married instead of going to Pennsic 15. We were a memorable couple, She white, beautiful, redhaired; me big, ugly, black. We raised 2 girls, Kirsten and Erika, and have 2 grandchildren, Jack 7 and Alexandria 2. She exchanged this world for the next on January 7th. Current Mood: lonely
|Friday, January 26th, 2007|
I am Mistress Arianna of Wynthrope, of the Barony-Marche of the Debatable Lands. I joined the SCA in 1977 in the Barony of the Bridge (Providence, RI), and have lived in the Barony of the Rhydderich Hael (Buffalo, NY), the Barony of Stonemarche (New Hampshire), and my current home, the Barony-Marche of the Debatable Lands (Pittsburgh, PA). Current Mood: reflective
I'm here because I followed links through diablu 's LJ to wldrose, and I thought her suggestion of this community was an excellent idea.
My husband of 15 years, Master Johan von Traubenberg, died on October 24th, 2005. You can read about him on my website.
I have two sons who were 6 and 9 when their father died. The younger one is now 7 and the older will turn 11 in March. They are doing ok, though the older one suffered from depression problems for about 6 to 8 months after Johan died, and still has some issues with it.
I have good and bad days. For the first 6 or 8 months I had a lot of very bad days. Johan was well known, perhaps even infamous, in the SCA (among other things, he was Pennsic Land Autocrat at Pennsic 21, when Duke Gavin Kilkenny was autocrat) and it seemed like I spent much of the first year going to memorial activities for him. It was very wearing, but at the same time touching. Strangely, while I dreaded some of these events, they were easier to handle than some of the day-to-day things. As I commented to wldrose today, it's the surprises - the telemarketer that calls asking for him, or the store that I call for customer service who requests my phone number and then asks if I'm calling about his account, because the number brings up his name - that feel like a real kick in the gut.
I am very lucky that, while Johan had no will, Pennsylvania law makes it very simple when a spouse dies, and he had a generous life insurance policy. I still have legal issues with the closing of his business (he was self-employed as a civil engineer) and with his medical bills (don't get me started on the health insurance racket in this country), but I'm ok financially - I have a decent job, and the house, the car, the bank accounts and everything else are free and clear in my name, with no inheritance taxes applying because everything big was held jointly. I know that's not the case for many widows and widowers, and I've heard horror stories about finances and loss of property that make me shudder. I now have a will for myself, and I highly recommend you all take that step if you haven't already done so, especially any who have children.
The SCA has been a godsend for me. My Scadian friends have rallied around me and my kids, and even though it's been well over a year since Johan died, they are still there every month, every week, every day, helping out with things ranging from babysitting to home repairs to social activities. Mundane friends and relatives are amazed at the level of support I've received. In December I threw a dinner party for all the people who babysat my children (free of charge) over the past year so I could continue to sing in and direct the baronial choir, or so I could just go to the grocery store in peace. I wanted them to know just how very much I appreciate them all. One of them never even knew Johan - he moved here a month after Johan's death - he's just a nice guy. The SCA is full of nice guys.
To everyone who joins this community, I wish you peace and healing and love.
I guess I will start this out by telling you a bit about myself your friendly (I hope) mod.
In Society I am known as Lady Lillith LaBlanc of Clan Kilkenny (East) I have been part of all this since 1990 and now live in Concordia of the Snows (Albany, NY) I have 2 cats, no kids, and am trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life now that I am forced to be a grown up.
In Oct of 2006 My Love Baron Wulf Darkstalker died. We had lived together as partners for 4 years, and we had been friends and members of the same household for about 15 years.
Sadly because he died young (47) and neither of us were interested in marriage though we were committed for the rest of our lives, I am dealing with the legal and financial consequences of him not having a will. For now I live in a drafty old house that was his, and am trying to cope not just with his loss, but for the first time in my life having the responsibilities of keeping a house not an apartment.
Most of my blood kin live in other countries, and my SCA household has supported me, with their words and actions. I truly think that if it weren’t for them in the past 3 months I might not have made it as far as I have, if at all.
Sometimes the grief is overwhelming, and sometimes I feel that I can at least remember what coping felt like. What ever happens my life will not be the same, and it will be less because my best friend and love is not in it anymore. But I go on, I really have no other choice.